1
00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:04,236
[gasps]
What the...
2
00:00:04,305 --> 00:00:07,006
ANNE: Why are we--?
JENNY: [gasps] Huh?
3
00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:08,640
VAL: [gasps]
SLOANE: Oh, shit!
4
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:10,709
VAL: Nooo!
5
00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:12,011
KATE: Okay, what happened?
6
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,045
I don't remember anything.
7
00:00:13,114 --> 00:00:14,246
Me neither!
8
00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:15,614
Why are we on the floor?
9
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:16,615
How long have we been here?
10
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:18,650
KATE: Who are we?
11
00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,119
I'm fucking around.
I know who we are.
12
00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:22,121
But I don't know anything else.
13
00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:24,323
JENNY: Why would you joke
at a time like this?
14
00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:25,724
KATE: Well, you know,
just trying to make light--
15
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:26,125
SLOANE: Shh!
Who was that?
16
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:30,262
♪
17
00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:31,830
ANNE: Alice?
18
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,665
What are you doing here?
19
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:37,869
I don't know.
20
00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:39,438
Mom?
21
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:41,940
ANNE: Yes, honey?
22
00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:43,742
What the fuck
happened last night?
23
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:48,047
♪
24
00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:50,082
♪
25
00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:55,154
I guess we just
drank our faces off?
26
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:57,356
How hammered do you have to get
27
00:00:57,458 --> 00:01:00,059
to not remember the entire
night, start to finish?
28
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,560
Wait, do you guys
feel hungover?
29
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:03,162
SLOANE: No.
KATE: No.
30
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:04,463
Then how does that
make any sense
31
00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:06,265
if we were that shitfaced?
32
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,299
Maybe we were good girls
and pounded water
33
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:09,101
before blacking out.
34
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,702
ANNE: Wait, let me have
a look at you.
35
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,671
Yeah.
Yeah, you look okay.
36
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,473
Maybe we don't tell
your dad about this.
37
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:16,308
Tell him what?
38
00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:18,177
That you and your friends
got me so drunk
39
00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:19,311
we can't even remember
what happened?
40
00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:21,880
Yeah, that.
41
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,515
VAL: I don't think this level
of confusion is just alcohol.
42
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:24,716
Something else is going on here.
43
00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:27,186
What the hell are these?
44
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,726
That's cake, alright.
Buttercream.
45
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:37,129
ANNE: That's it!
Cake, yes.
46
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,531
We were...
we were celebrating.
47
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,334
JENNY: Celebrating what?
48
00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:44,136
Celebrating Alice.
49
00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:49,308
♪
50
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:52,411
ANNE: We're here!
ALL: Surprise!
51
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,413
ALICE: [laughs awkwardly]
What-- what is all this?
52
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:56,515
I-I thought...
53
00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:57,716
you were just...
picking something up.
54
00:01:57,751 --> 00:01:59,418
Oh!
55
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,721
Welcome to your
coming-of-age party.
56
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:05,724
We're here to celebrate you and
to commemorate your first time.
57
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:07,159
My first time what?
58
00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:08,760
KATE: Ah, slappin' wrinklies!
59
00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:10,529
Hittin' pinkies!
60
00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:12,030
Bumpin' stinkies!
61
00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:13,832
What?
62
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:17,436
Your first time having sex.
63
00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:21,173
[dance music
playing in background]
64
00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:23,442
No, no, no, no!
Wait, wait, just wait.
65
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,744
Just hear me out, okay?
66
00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:27,346
I made a mistake.
67
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:29,781
A woman's first time
is something
68
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,151
that should be honoured,
not shamed.
69
00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:35,053
Now, these women
are some of the smartest
70
00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:37,856
and the strongest broads
that I know,
71
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:40,559
and we are here to celebrate you
72
00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:43,962
and to impart some wisdom as you
embark on the rest of your...
73
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,397
sexual journey.
74
00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:46,798
Mom, this is...
75
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:48,667
so humiliating.
76
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,869
I-I actually want to die.
No, thank you.
77
00:02:50,971 --> 00:02:54,273
ANNE: No, no no--
VAL: Happy Slut Mitzvah!
78
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,208
No, we're not
calling it that!
79
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:57,476
Do you think calling me
a Jewish whore
80
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:58,777
makes up for what you did?
81
00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:00,479
No one's calling you that.
82
00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:02,814
"Mazel Tov you dirty whore"?
83
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,216
Val, I did not tell you
to write that on the cake!
84
00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:06,685
So I took some liberties!
85
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,287
Buttercream...
86
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:09,388
KATE: Okay...
87
00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:11,089
Hey.
88
00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:13,692
Look, I know this is weird.
89
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:17,196
No one wants to talk about sex
with their mom, or her friends,
90
00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:19,631
but I promise,
if you stick this out,
91
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,400
you will walk out
of this lighter.
92
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:24,236
And so will your mom.
93
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:25,904
Okay?
Look.
94
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:28,440
This is gonna be great, alright?
95
00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:29,841
When I was your age,
no one threw me a party.
96
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:32,043
No one told me anything.
97
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:33,412
I thought you couldn't pee
when you wore a tampon.
98
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,714
I'd hold it for eight hours.
99
00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:38,049
I didn't realize there was
a hole to put the tampon in.
100
00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:39,618
I used to just slip it between
my lips like a hot dog.
101
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:40,452
KATE: Val...
ALICE: Ew.
102
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:41,220
KATE: I'm sorry.
103
00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:42,321
It worked.
104
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:43,822
Alice...
Sloane.
105
00:03:43,857 --> 00:03:46,225
You don't know me.
106
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:48,660
I'm here because you deserve
a better introduction to sex
107
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,329
than what your fucked-up mom
did to you and your boyfriend.
108
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:52,731
ANNE: Thanks.
109
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,467
JENNY: And, Alice, your mom
and I haven't always seen
110
00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:58,470
eye-to-eye, but she made an
effort when I was going through
111
00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:01,240
a very hard time,
so I am here to give back.
112
00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:03,342
Guys, let's get
this party started, okay?
113
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:04,843
Val, where's that hooch
you demanded to supply?
114
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:06,645
I thought you'd never ask.
115
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,447
Look who's one of
the big girls!
116
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:09,648
L'chaim, sluts!
117
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:10,482
[cork pops]
118
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:14,286
♪
119
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:18,490
You know, I'm honestly glad
I can't remember more.
120
00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:19,958
Can we please go home now?
121
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:21,293
Maybe we should just go home.
122
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:23,362
Sleep it off.
123
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:24,696
I'm sure our memories
will come flooding back
124
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,298
after a good night's sleep.
125
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,300
Obviously we just
drank too much.
126
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:32,504
Yeah, you're right.
Let's call it, come on.
127
00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:35,574
"Zero percent alcohol,
one hundred percent good times"?
128
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:38,777
♪
129
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:41,680
Is this all alcohol-free booze?
130
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:45,484
What the fuck, Val?
131
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:48,119
Well, you all got so angry
when I didn't bring alcohol
132
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:49,521
to the haunted house,
but I couldn't risk
133
00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:51,723
tainting my milk supply!
134
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:54,726
And Alice is underage,
if anyone cares about that!
135
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:58,930
And, you're welcome, Sloane,
my sister in lactation arms!
136
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,399
Sloane...?
137
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:03,602
Sloane?
138
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,304
SLOANE: What the hell is that?
139
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:09,408
What the hell is that?
140
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:13,412
[mysterious music]
141
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:15,547
It's obviously
a dick throne.
142
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:16,948
But what on Earth
is it doing here?
143
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:19,217
Alright, no, fuck this.
144
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,620
We definitely didn't black out
on alcohol-free booze,
145
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:23,555
and that thing, well,
that's just terrifying.
146
00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:26,358
Uh-uh, we are not leaving here
147
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:27,959
until we know what the hell
happened to us last night.
148
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:29,528
SLOANE: 100%.
149
00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:30,362
VAL: Good idea.
ALICE: Really?
150
00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:31,563
Yes.
151
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:32,431
Ugh!
152
00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:37,536
Alright, what do you remember?
153
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:39,037
Think, bitches, think!
154
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:40,339
Okay, let's go!
155
00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:41,940
Slut Mitzvah!
156
00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:43,742
KATE: Slut Mitzvah.
ANNE: Mm-hm.
157
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,143
JENNY: Dick throne!
158
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,178
Dick throne!
159
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,246
SLOANE: Fake booze!
160
00:05:48,349 --> 00:05:49,748
Uh...
161
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,383
Black out?
162
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:52,951
[marker squeaking furiously]
163
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:55,854
KATE: Great...
164
00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:59,858
What else, what else?
Come on!
165
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:02,861
Dammit!
Gah...
166
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:06,164
What?
167
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,966
Whose is this?
168
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:09,468
Oh!
I remember this!
169
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:11,269
It was a guy that stopped by!
170
00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:12,671
KATE: Guy?
ANNE: What guy?
171
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:13,972
I think his name was Mom?
172
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:15,607
No, Ram!
173
00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:16,608
What?
174
00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:20,579
♪
175
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:21,780
KATE: Look who's one
of the big girls!
176
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,582
VAL: Here you go.
177
00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:25,384
ANNE: Okay,
take it down a notch, Val.
178
00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:27,218
Oh, relax, Anne.
You need to loosen up.
179
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:28,620
RAM: Uh-oh.
180
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:29,488
I'm... interrupting something!
181
00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:31,423
KATE: Oh!
182
00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:32,624
SLOANE: Oh, this party
is gettin' started!
183
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:34,793
Take it off, take it off!
184
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,027
Val, please tell me
you didn't hire a stripper.
185
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,496
Gross.
He's... old.
186
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:39,798
KATE: Okay, guys, stop.
187
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:42,634
This is Ram Javeri.
He's my client, not a stripper.
188
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:44,202
Ah, that you know of.
189
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,504
[chuckles]
190
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:48,907
ANNE: Wow, this is Ram.
191
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,709
SLOANE: Let's, uh,
take a little looksy at you.
192
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:52,611
KATE: Alright,
I am so sorry about them.
193
00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:54,312
You wanna talk in the boardroom?
RAM: Okay.
194
00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:56,114
ALL: Woo!
KATE: Will you fucking stop?
195
00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:57,315
You guys are so immature,
you know that?
196
00:06:57,418 --> 00:06:59,317
Stop it!
Don't mind them.
197
00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:00,619
They're just stupid
and obnoxious.
198
00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:02,621
They're all stupid.
199
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:03,522
[in a whisper]
Shut the fuck up!
200
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:05,056
[all giggling]
201
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,025
VAL: Mm...
202
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,327
♪
203
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,865
I-I only closed the blinds
204
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,234
because you guys
were acting like idiots!
205
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,538
Then what were you doing in here
with your saucy friend?
206
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,139
I can't remember!
207
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:22,140
How long were we in here?
208
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:23,475
Like 5...
209
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:24,543
Maybe 45 minutes?
210
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,478
45 minutes!
211
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:28,447
Jesus Christ,
that's a long time for sex.
212
00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:30,148
And you're sure
I closed the blinds?
213
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,483
Because maybe we--
I probably didn't.
214
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:33,452
I don't always close blinds.
215
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:34,352
You 100% immediately
closed all the blinds,
216
00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:35,954
like, super fast.
217
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:38,557
Fuck!
218
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,892
Can we get back
to this dick throne?
219
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,561
And why was it at what was
supposed to be a respectful
220
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:43,695
coming-of-age party
for my daughter?
221
00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:44,863
Val, I'm looking at you!
222
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:47,365
I don't rememberrrr...
223
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:51,269
♪
224
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:55,106
This chair is a ceremonial
display piece I found online
225
00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:57,476
to celebrate Alice's entry
into a elite group:
226
00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:59,778
Women who conquer.
227
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,313
Specifically,
women who conquer dick.
228
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:04,783
By sitting on this throne,
229
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:08,787
you are saying that you are
in charge of your sexual self.
230
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,188
That's pretty good,
actually.
231
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:11,790
KATE: Love that.
ANNE: Yeah.
232
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:13,925
Now, in the spirit
of beginnings,
233
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,393
I thought we could each
take a turn on the throne
234
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:16,194
and tell our virginity stories.
235
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:18,329
I'll start.
236
00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:19,998
I was 19 and working
part-time as a party clown.
237
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,933
I was 17...
238
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,902
I was young.
Fifteen.
239
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,604
I didn't have sex
until college.
240
00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,806
My boyfriend and I
both had headgear,
241
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:30,308
which we wore the first time
we tried to have sex.
242
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:31,610
Wanted to get it over with.
243
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,545
It was all business.
244
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:36,314
My first time was with Brad,
my ex-husband.
245
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,550
I mean, I rounded all
the other bases plenty, but...
246
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,619
ALICE: La, la, la, la, la, la!
KATE: Oh, come on.
247
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,921
I met a charming magician.
248
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:45,223
He convinced me that my
clitoris was inside my bum.
249
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,025
And I believed him.
250
00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:48,627
ANNE: He insisted
we be absolutely silent.
251
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:50,762
"Not a peep," he would say.
252
00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:53,031
We were terrified.
He was so sweet.
253
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,432
I think I scared
my little partner.
254
00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,768
Poor Jimmy Iverson.
255
00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,937
I lost my anal virginity
to Sam the Spectacular.
256
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:01,172
Lesson learned.
257
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,441
Never trust someone
who tricks people for a living.
258
00:09:03,544 --> 00:09:06,144
KATE: He actually threw up
right after he came.
259
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:08,446
Which I never knew if I should
take as a compliment.
260
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:10,649
SLOANE: I don't know
how he even stayed hard
261
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,251
given how emotionless
and clinical it was...
262
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:15,654
Now that I think about it,
263
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:18,657
he did have to thumb it in...
a lot.
264
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:21,560
Dong like a tiger, though,
I'll tell you what.
265
00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:24,162
ANNE: I just thought that
if I waited long enough,
266
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:27,465
I would be sure to have
the perfect first time, but...
267
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,167
I don't think that exists.
268
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:31,369
Honestly, my first time
269
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:35,206
was pretty freakin',
flippin' perfect.
270
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:38,677
[all mutter]
VAL: Mmm!
271
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:42,080
Mmm...
Mmm!
272
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:48,019
You guys ever eat cake
with just your face?
273
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,287
You alright, Val?
Are you feeling okay?
274
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,189
SLOANE: No...?
275
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:52,891
[Vengaboys,
"We Like to Party" playing]
276
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,693
Quite fucked up,
now that you mention it.
277
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:56,394
♪ We like, we like to party!
278
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,196
♪ We like to party!
279
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,432
♪
280
00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:04,903
♪
281
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:09,641
♪
282
00:10:09,842 --> 00:10:14,112
♪
283
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:17,215
♪ I've got something
to tell ya. ♪
284
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:20,852
♪ I've got news for you.
285
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:24,723
♪ Gonna put some
wheels in motion. ♪
286
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:28,660
♪ Get ready 'cause
we're comin' through. ♪
287
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:32,263
♪ Hey now, hey now!
Hear what I say now! ♪
288
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:35,667
♪ Happiness is just
around the corner! ♪
289
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:38,837
♪ Hey now, hey now!
Hear what I say now! ♪
290
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:42,040
♪ We'll be there for you!
291
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:45,276
♪ The Venga Bus is coming,
and everybody's jumping! ♪
292
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:48,647
♪ New York to San Francisco,
an intercity disco! ♪
293
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,548
♪ The wheels of steel
are turning ♪
294
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:51,883
♪ And traffic lights
are burning ♪
295
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,652
♪ So if you like to party
296
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,086
♪ Get on and move your body!
297
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:58,156
♪
298
00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:00,692
♪
299
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:04,963
♪
300
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:09,500
♪
301
00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:12,570
♪ The Venga Bus is coming!
302
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:13,972
Well, it certainly
seems like we had fun!
303
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,907
Val...
304
00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:18,476
We still have no idea
why we blacked out!
305
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:21,680
Hey, so, when I was here
in the boardroom with Ram, um...
306
00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:23,281
did you...
307
00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:25,516
did you hear any sex sounds?
308
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:28,086
When I walked out,
did I seem dry-ish?
309
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,088
Was my hair normal?
Did I look pleased?
310
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:32,691
Dude, I don't know.
311
00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:34,525
I mean, is it still cheating
if I don't remember?
312
00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:36,594
Yeah, pretty sure.
313
00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:37,729
It's not a "tree falls
in the forest" situation.
314
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:41,499
Well, fuck.
315
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,201
Meat boy?
316
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:44,903
Forrest?
317
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,738
Mm?
Oh...
318
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:48,306
KATE: What the hell
are you doing here?
319
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:50,341
FORREST: Model adjustments.
320
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:52,143
Just Head needed some
side-to-side improvements
321
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:54,913
just to bring it
over the top, you know?
322
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,547
How did you get in here?
323
00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:58,917
Father gave me a key.
324
00:11:58,952 --> 00:12:00,318
I've been coming in every
weekend, using his work bench.
325
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:02,420
It's called a desk,
Forrest.
326
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:03,354
Well, wait, do you know
what happened last night?
327
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:04,923
FORREST: Sorta.
328
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:08,226
It's all a little fuzzy...
329
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,762
You see, I was in the zone, when
I heard through my headphones
330
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:12,430
the unmistakable sound
of older women having...
331
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,365
fun.
332
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:17,368
ALL: Go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go!
333
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:20,138
Whoa...
334
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:21,539
Meat Boy!
335
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:24,642
Forrest?
336
00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:27,946
Is that breast milk?
337
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:29,647
There's more where
that came from, Meat Boy.
338
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:30,849
Can I play with you guys?
339
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:31,850
ANNE and KATE: No.
340
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:32,951
VAL: Yes, you can.
341
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:35,653
Holy... shit.
342
00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:37,555
KATE: Where did you
get this get-up?
343
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,958
Her.
She made me wear it.
344
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:41,960
[gasps] I can't imagine
what we were doing
345
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:43,795
that would necessitate that!
346
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:45,463
Nes...
347
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:47,398
Nesse...
Necessiss...
348
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:48,566
KATE: Necessitate.
FORREST: Necessi...
349
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,201
KATE: Just stop talking.
350
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:52,971
♪
351
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:54,605
Which has more nerve endings,
the penis or the clitoris?
352
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:56,074
Um... the clitoris?
353
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:58,009
ALL: Yeah!
354
00:12:58,078 --> 00:13:00,211
FORREST: Correct!
KATE: I'm so proud of you!
355
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:01,279
FORREST: You may advance.
KATE: I'm so proud of you!
356
00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:03,081
Val, I am impressed!
357
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,883
I can't believe
you put this together!
358
00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:07,218
VAL: Oh, it was nothing.
FORREST: Silence!
359
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:10,488
Alice, now, where on this
diagram is the prostate located?
360
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:12,423
Um...
361
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:13,992
ANNE: I mean, God,
does it even matter?
362
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:15,093
Of course it matters, Anne!
363
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:16,895
No, I know this one!
364
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:17,829
I stick fingers up
people's buttholes!
365
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:19,297
No helping!
366
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:20,698
Alice!
Now!
367
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:23,701
Um, I...
368
00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:26,437
KATE: His balls!
ALL: Noooo!
369
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,406
I'm sorry,
but the answer's incorrect.
370
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:30,909
And you know your punishment.
371
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:33,011
[sound of hair clippers]
372
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,813
Wait, no, no, no, no!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
373
00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:36,414
I don't make the rules, Alice.
374
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:37,215
You literally
made these rules!
375
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:39,250
Mom!
376
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,518
I mean, they're the rules!
You know the rules!
377
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,020
It'll be over soon!
378
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:42,253
Oh my God!
[clippers buzzing]
379
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:45,656
ALICE: Oh my God!
380
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:46,925
What the hell, Mom!
What were you thinking?
381
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,526
Well, I don't know, Alice!
382
00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,228
That's the whole problem,
isn't it?
383
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:51,930
ALICE: Aah!
FORREST: Excuse me...?
384
00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:53,131
Mothers, daughters,
I have to bounce.
385
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:55,266
I ran out of shrooms,
386
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,035
and I need more before
I lose my creative juices.
387
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,069
Did you just say "shrooms"?
388
00:13:58,138 --> 00:13:59,537
He shroomed us!
389
00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:00,438
What?
No, you little freak.
390
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:01,139
I would never.
391
00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,241
Prove it!
392
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,076
I strictly limit myself
to three grams a week.
393
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:06,744
Otherwise I would get stupid.
394
00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:09,047
And we wouldn't want that,
would we?
395
00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:10,849
How much is three grams?
396
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,683
VAL: Oh, Anne,
don't embarrass yourself.
397
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,285
Look, shit was already
litty like a titty
398
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,154
before I found you all.
KATE: No.
399
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:18,456
No way, it had to be you.
You drugged us.
400
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:19,357
Otherwise, we still don't
know what the fuck happened
401
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:20,691
to us last night!
402
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:24,295
That's a bummer, for sure.
403
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,663
Let me know
when you figure it out.
404
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,465
Hey!
Hey!
405
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:28,766
KATE: [in a whisper]
Piece of shit.
406
00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:30,501
[phone ringing]
407
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:33,371
Hey... that's my phone!
408
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:36,875
Where is it?
409
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:43,781
ALICE: Gimme that!
410
00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:45,183
Why do you have my phone?
411
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:47,685
Uh...
412
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,923
Oh, yeah.
413
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,396
This Slut Mitzvah
is turning into a real bust.
414
00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:00,899
Honestly, this is not
what she needs.
415
00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:02,901
What that girl deserves is a
re-do with her little boyfriend.
416
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:05,003
SLOANE: Yes!
You're right.
417
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:07,205
Your mom ruins your first time,
418
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:12,510
you get right back up
on that teenage-penis horse.
419
00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:13,811
JENNY: I'm gonna steal
her phone before it locks!
420
00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:15,146
Oh!
[chuckles]
421
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:19,717
I like you!
422
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,719
Seamus, Seamus...
423
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,721
There you are.
424
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,557
Hey, sexy man...
[typing sounds]
425
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:28,726
Yes!
Yes!
426
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,930
Re-do, re-do, re-do!
427
00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:34,732
[both chanting]
Re-do, re-do, re-do, re-do!
428
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,434
Re-do, re-do, re-do, re-do!
429
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,540
The last thing
those two need is a re-do!
430
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:43,374
What the hell were
you guys thinking?
431
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,543
You know what?
432
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,378
I officially don't care
what happened last night.
433
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:48,646
I'm leaving.
ANNE: Wait, no, no, no, no!
434
00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:49,547
Alice, Alice, Alice, stop.
435
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:50,781
Stop, please.
436
00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:53,351
I fucked up.
437
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,386
Tonight was supposed to be
about making it up to you.
438
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:56,988
Sharing pearls of wisdom,
you know?
439
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,789
Like, um...
440
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:01,359
Like... like how
it doesn't matter
441
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,861
who you lose your virginity to.
442
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:05,596
Whether you marry them,
or you never see them again,
443
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:07,365
you can't control that.
444
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,468
But what you can control
is yourself.
445
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:13,171
And what you need to know,
what is the most important thing
446
00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:15,473
that you know, is to prioritize
you and your own pleasure.
447
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:18,776
Well, you clearly prioritize
your own pleasure.
448
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:21,079
Okay, what the hell
does that mean?
449
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,614
Seamus told me all about
your flirty little field trips.
450
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:24,983
I mean, asking him
about his sex life?
451
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:26,084
Calling that therapy?
452
00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:28,186
What is your problem?
453
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,421
VAL: I'm sorry?
SLOANE: You did what now?
454
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,290
You told us that you
walked in on them having sex.
455
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:33,891
Anne, isn't that what you said?
456
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,626
Oh, that's what
she told you all?
457
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:37,095
Cool story.
458
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:38,696
I didn't know!
I-I didn't know!
459
00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,598
[stammering]
460
00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:43,434
For most of the time.
461
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,036
By the way, why didn't
he recognize that we both
462
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:47,438
have the same last name, huh?
463
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,240
Well, he said Carlson's actually
a really common last name.
464
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:50,608
[in a whisper]
Common last name, my ass.
465
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,443
ALICE: And don't blame him.
466
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,712
Fine, you're right, okay?
I crossed a line.
467
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:56,247
I crossed many lines,
and I'm horrified with myself!
468
00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:58,616
But that doesn't matter.
469
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:03,121
What matters is that I am
genuinely and incredibly sorry
470
00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:04,622
for ruining your first time.
471
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:06,924
Well, you didn't.
472
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:10,228
Wait, you didn't...
473
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:11,462
You're still a virgin?
474
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,431
No.
475
00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:15,666
It wasn't my first time.
476
00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:19,237
Not even close.
477
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:20,938
Oh, boy.
478
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,073
SEAMUS: Hello?
479
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:23,741
Uh...
480
00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:25,143
Hey.
481
00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:27,345
Hey, Alice.
482
00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:29,047
ALICE: What--
what are you doing here?
483
00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:30,948
You sent me a text saying
484
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:33,684
"your one way ticket
to smash town"
485
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,853
with a pin to this address?
486
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,289
ALICE: No, I--
[sighs]
487
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:40,058
Actually, you know what?
488
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,659
That's... that's perfect.
489
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:46,697
Not bad.
490
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:50,101
Oh!
491
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:51,869
Thanks for this...
special evening.
492
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:57,475
Let's go.
493
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,081
VAL: Anne...?
Are you okay?
494
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,385
No.
495
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:08,586
I think I gotta go.
496
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,124
You think she's already
slept with more people
497
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:14,925
than you have your whole life?
498
00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:17,195
KATE: Oh my God, Jenny.
SLOANE: Jenny!
499
00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:18,996
ANNE: I gotta go, I gotta go.
KATE: Yeah, of course.
500
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:20,931
SLOANE: Kate, Kate, don't.
Let her go.
501
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,101
Let her go scream
in her car all alone.
502
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:24,402
KATE: [sighs]
You're right, I'm sure.
503
00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:26,804
Fuck.
Now what do we do?
504
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:29,307
JENNY: Uh, well,
I think I'm gonna go home.
505
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:30,741
VAL: Moi aussi.
506
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,210
Oh, by all means.
507
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:34,412
Thanks for helping clean up.
508
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:36,314
I can't believe
we didn't figure it out.
509
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:37,615
All six of us blacking out
over nothing.
510
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:39,417
I know.
511
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:41,119
Anyway, go home.
512
00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:42,820
I'll help you
clean this up later.
513
00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:44,722
No, it's alright, I got it.
You go.
514
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:46,724
I got it.
515
00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:01,639
Oh...
516
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,443
KATE: You guys are so immature,
you know that?
517
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,745
Stop it!
Don't mind them.
518
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:09,180
They're just stupid
and obnoxious.
519
00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:10,748
They're all stupid.
520
00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:11,982
[in a whisper]
Shut the fuck up!
521
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:15,853
[all giggling]
522
00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:18,456
I'm sorry to
crash the weird party
523
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:23,161
that you're throwing out of
your office over the weekend.
524
00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:26,997
May I ask what brings you
to my office on the weekend?
525
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:30,468
I was gonna just
leave this at the front
526
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:32,603
for you to find Monday morning,
but this is way better.
527
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,205
Oh, shit!
Is this what I think it is?
528
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:36,006
RAM: Horamo.
529
00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:36,874
With your slogan
right there on the label.
530
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:38,176
KATE: Oh!
531
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:39,810
Look at that!
532
00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:41,379
RAM: Yeah, it was
worth the trip
533
00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:42,180
just to see that
shit-eating grin.
534
00:19:42,215 --> 00:19:44,882
[chuckles]
535
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:47,084
Alright, well, uh...
536
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:48,619
Don't let me keep you
from your party.
537
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,020
Uh, thanks for stopping by.
538
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:54,625
Yeah.
539
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:58,028
Now, uh, walk me out, please?
540
00:19:58,097 --> 00:19:59,430
I don't want to
walk by your friends alone.
541
00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:00,698
KATE: Oh, yeah.
[laughs]
542
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:01,999
[sighs with relief]
543
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,834
[chuckles]
544
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,503
I knew I wasn't a bad person.
545
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,047
ANNE: [clears throat]
RAM: Goodnight, ladies.
546
00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:20,418
Have fun!
ALL: Goodnight!
547
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:22,253
He is a lot cuter
than you let on.
548
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:24,455
Okay, is he?
He's fine.
549
00:20:24,524 --> 00:20:25,423
Can we just cheers
to Alice, please?
550
00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:26,724
Thanks.
551
00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:31,662
[glasses clink]
552
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,731
Mmm, that is delicious.
553
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:35,132
Yeah, I'm just
gonna say it, Val.
554
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,133
This champagne is cheap as shit.
555
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,269
So friggin' sweet!
556
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:39,337
Yeah, we're gonna get
killer hangovers for this.
557
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:40,471
Take it easy, Alice.
558
00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:42,873
Anybody have an Advil?
559
00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:44,074
I don't fuck with champagne
unless I take one of those.
560
00:20:44,276 --> 00:20:45,243
I don't have that, but...
561
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:46,544
this could do the trick.
562
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:47,278
Is that your migraine pill?
563
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:49,280
Uh-huh.
564
00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:50,348
SLOANE: Any side effects
we should know about?
565
00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:52,683
Well, there is one.
566
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:53,684
You could drink your tits off
and not get a headache.
567
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,286
SLOANE: Yeah!
568
00:20:55,355 --> 00:21:00,291
Kate, you are a genius!
569
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:01,659
Bottoms up!
570
00:21:01,794 --> 00:21:03,561
♪
571
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:05,296
♪
572
00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:09,667
Oh, fuck...
573
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:13,904
♪ Here lies a series of
questionable decisions... ♪
574
00:21:13,954 --> 00:21:18,504
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